Memoriez II

Cateodata e greu sa-ti amintesti unele lucruri..chiar daca ai impresia ca ai uitat..dar te bantuie..ma urmareste rasul ala malefic..si stau si ma gandesc cat de inutila ma simt in momente ca astea..cat de tare imi vine sa urlu..si nu pot..ma sfasie din interior..unele sentimente nu o sa se schimbe pentru mine niciodata...din pacate..am nevoie doar de liniste.Imi inchid ochii si-mi vad trecutul altfel...cu ochii cruzi ai copilariei,soarele apare inca..dar se intuneca curand si iarasi uit..

Sezatiile de genu ma sperie..uneori trec de la o stare ok la nebunie,ma inchid in trecut si nu reusesc sa mai ies...ma simt pentru un moment goala pe dinauntru apoi revin rapid la realitate.

Subconstientul meu traieste de fapt in trecut,incercand sa schimbe ceva,incercand sa ma schimbe..si meditez..de ce oare nu sunt altfel..uneori as vrea sa nu fiu atat de sensibila si sa nu ma mai gandesc la ce a fost,sa ma gandesc la ce este,caci prezentul meu e presarat de chestii frumoase si persoane pe care le iubesc si-mi sunt alaturi..si nu inteleg..de ce mereu ma inchid in mine,practic nu pot trece o punte,nu pot merge mai departe pentru ca mi-e frica.Mi-e frica de faptul ca o sa pierd tot..nesiguranta ma sfasie..nu as suporta o alta dezamgire ..It would break my heart.

Si din nou,revin la momentele de acum..inchid iar ochii,il vad pe el..si am un dram de speranta..ca alaturi de el voi reusi sa uit..

Pe 7 decembrie s-au facut 10 ani de cand tata nu ntai e.Inca nu imi vine sa cred.Oare il iubesc mai mult decat il urasc?Ma pierd in sentimente si devin confuza.Doar uneori mi-e dor de el,iar alteori as face orice sa nu se intoarca inapoi.Anii trec,si as vrea sa-l mai vad macar o data,sa-l intreb de ce...

Make a wish before saying goodbye

We cry together and our feelings merge more every day that passes.The only thing we want is that this euphoric feeling never ends.And we think about every thing that makes us really happy.Your deep eyes fascinate me and beyond them I can see the happiness you gave me,and the beautiful moments we shared in the past few months. I could never let you go,now you're a part of me,with you I discovered the good parts I have,with you I smile even when I cry.Every night I fall asleep with you in my mind..It's strange..sometimes I want you all the time,and when you're not with me..I close my eyes to feel your presence...

With you I'll die,for you I'll die,for you I could do everything.Now it's us,not just you and me.

Sometimes I can't find my words but you know exactly what to say,when I'm weak you give me strength,with you I'm always safe..I'd like you to love me like you never loved someone else before because I know I'd be the happiest person in the entire world.No matter what I know that you're the one for me.

Something special

"Do you know where your heart is?Do you think you can find it?"

Yes,I can.It's a matter of time..when I'll finally admit I'm in love.again.I guess it's hard to recognize..but I've never felt so happy in my life..I guess you're all I need for now.With you I could never cry of sadness,with you I could discover the whole world just by kissing you,with you I could find peace,the peace in my heart.I guess you might feel the same way..or I'm wrong..but when I look into your eyes..I'm happy.I'm happy that finally I found someone like you.I could say I miss you,even though I saw you today...

I wish I could stay in your arms every single moment,never let me go.I wish you wisper all sweet stuff like you always do...I want to feel your lips next to mine until I cannot breath any more..Icould die with you,and then,I would know..that finally..I knew what happiness really was...

Almost Lover-A Fine Frenzy[check it<3]

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

No

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd brïng me heartache
Almost lovers always do

You flirt with suicide but sometimes kills the pain

And when you think that death is like a cure for you then I suggest you're a litlle bit insane.No,actually you are crazy...But when someone close to you says that your death will make him sad you feel empty and you regret what you already said.You feel guilty,and you are scared that someone really thinks about you and feels your presence,in fact you are afraid that one person[him] touched your heart and you're afraid to be disappointed again,but trust me this time is different.You feel him everywhere,he's present in your dreams,he makes you smile every time you watch him,he makes you happy and you're afraid to fall in love.Darling,this is the way it's supposed to be.Your heart is cured and nothing stopes you to feel goosebumps every time you hear his name or every time he kisses you.You miss him even when he's in your arms,you want him even when he kisses you.You're not wrong.He seems to be the one.

All the right moves

One day.Inchizi ochii si te moleseste atmosfera din jurul tau.Te gandesti ca ti-e bine,esti in sfarsit fericita si implinita,te gandesti ca orice sacrificiu pe care il faci e acceptabil si te cufunzi in hotararicu privire la viitorul tau.Te gandesti sa mergi mai departe dar amintirea celui ce te-a distrus moral te va urmari.Trebuie doar sa privesti inainte..orice-ar fi.Si zambesti.Sti ca sunt ceilalti alturi de tine si esti sigura ca-ti pot reda zambetul acela cald.Te invelesti in fericire,iar seara te rogi ca si a doua zi sa fie la fel de optimista.Ai renuntat in sfarsit la o viata nelinistita si tulbure in care mereu erau sentimente platonice.Si Doamne!De cand nu te-am mai vazut atat de fericita?De cand nu am mai vorbit atat de deschis si de sincer?A,da.Acum o vesnicie.Uneori e dificil sa trecem peste "hopurile" pe care le intalnim in drumul nostru..dar exista persoane care vor fi alaturi de noi si ne vor tine in brate strans doar pentru a sti ca suntem in siguranta...O iubesc si stie asta.O iubesc pentru ca a avut puterea sa ierte atunci cand era peste puteri,o iubesc pentru ca e singura dupa care mi-ar parea rau daca nu ar mai fi..

De ce?Incomplete..

Vazandu-mi inima impietrita de amintiri si stand in fata lor,mi-am adus aminte de mama si de cat de naiva sunt.Totul e trecator...chiar si tristetea.Si-un gand fulgerator ma face sa-mi pierd firea si sa par slaba.Nu mai e ca inainte,totul e doar amintire.De ce nu pot trece si peste asta?De ce nu ma pot resemna,de ce atunci cand zambesc nu sunt tot timpul cu adevarat fericita,de ce atunci cand plang pierd o parte din mine?Pentru ca nu ma pot schimba.Incomplete..

Do you really wanna hurt me?I think you do.

Momentul in care decizi sa spui adevarul,crud moment mai ales ca ma simt dezamagita..In acelasi timp cu un ras malefic ma gandesc la cei care au spus ca sunt alaturi de mine si totusi au devenit spioni ai vietii mele.Nu am nimic de ascuns chiar daca totul are consecinte...As vrea sa-i pot vorbi dar nu ma va intelege niciodata..de ce ar face-o..si-asa are o parere proasta despre mine..Orice as face si orice as spune va exista zidul acela intre noi...si ma intreb de ce...de ce oare e asa...oare nu vede cat de mult incerc sa o fac fericita?Da e vorba de mama.O iubesc orice-ar fi..doar ca cei din jurul meu o inconjoara cu minciuni si tampenii pe care nu le inteleg.Perioada comunista nu va pieri niciodata din sufletele celor care ma considera mai prejos ca cei "instruiti" de ei.Fiecare vrea sa faca ceva diferit.Sunt diferita si totusi la fel..Faptul ca mama ma vede cu alti ochi ma intristeaza..si nu numai mama...As vrea sa scap de vantul asta puternic care in ultimul timp mi-a spulberat visele..Mi-am pierdut increderea in mine din cauza familiei..nu din cauza prietenilor...Si totusi..De ce?

You will never understand me.

P.S:You can tell my mom that I mentioned her again.

Rosu aprins - coloreaza-mi tacerea

Coloreaza-mi visele si du-ma undeva unde sa nu cad,nu mi-e frica sa cad in vraja dragostei,de data asta nu..Am intrat intr-o lume demonica in care pana si umbrele ma urmaresc,caut lumina de la capatul tunelului si mereu o gasesc,chiar daca o gasesc mai greu.Urletul mortii in mijlocul noptii a colorat cerul intr-un albastru mult prea complicat.Totul e complicat cand ai de ales intre viata si moarte.M-am hotarat sa ma intorc mereu inapoi atunci cand voi avea de ce,asa ca coltii mortii nu ma vor atinge inca.Viata,speranta,optimism.Sunt pregatita sa incep sa iubesc?

Un alt gand in plus...

Incerc sa-mi dau seama ce simt in momente in care nu mai vad,nu mai aud,pur si simplu sunt pe alta lume.Ma orbeste imaginea lui de fiecare data,e ca un drog pentru mine..Un drog de care incet incet devin din ce in ce mai dependenta.E ca o doza de viata de care am nevoie atunci cand mor simbolic.Ma macina totusi gandul ...fiind ca un drog..oare se va termina deodata si-mi va spulbera lumea imaginara.Nu ma pot decide in ce lume sa raman.As ramane in lumea perfecta in care visez si nu am nicio grija..dar il am pe EL langa mine aici..in lumea reala,a imperfectiunii...Si ma mir..De ce tocmai eu..de ce tocmai cea care dezamageste si spulbera vise si fantezii turbate..de ce eu..de ce?Si iar imi aduc aminte de zambetul lui imbietor..si iar visez..visez la ceva maret..visez la eternitatea sentimentului asta care m-a prabusit de ceva timp..Oh doamne..datorita lui sunt ceea ce sunt in momentul asta..Am inceput sa ma apreciez mai mult si sa-mi dozez cuvintele si comportamentul..Nu mai sunt ca intr-o cusca..nu mai stau speriata..nu imi mai e frica sa imi arat adevarata personalitate celorlalti.Nimic nu trece fara sa lase urme...Si totusi m-a schimbat!A reusit...a reusit sa ma faca sa zambesc atunci cand in sufletul meu e o furtuna de sentimente si ganduri negre.Nu-mi lipseste singuratatea..poate ca e mai bine sa fi sub"protectia" unei persoane care sa vada in tine doar ce e bun..sa treaca peste puntea de imperfectiuni si sa vada doar caldura,calm si bucurie.Un zambet valoreaza mai mult decat credem in general..un zambet cald face o zi mai buna..O amintire fericita..o persoana ideala langa tine e mai mult decat poti cere.Si chiar daca crezi ca esti o fiara ce nu poate fi imblanzita usor..coplesita de stari extraordinare de plutire continua devii o persoana calma fara rataciri nebune.Si totusi..oare e doar un vis..oare doar visez ...sau in sfarsit mi-am gasit particica ce lipsea...Si din nou.Nu-ti mai dau drumu...